J.O.M.O. Nation: ‘Snow White’ Is Going Down Hard
Plus: My Continuing 'Conspiracy Theory' About What’s Really Going On With These Dreadful Disney Disasters
“I have no use for people who throw their weight around as celebrities, or for those who fawn over you just because you are famous.” — Walt Disney
“I’m not a big believer in second-guessing decisions.”― Bob Iger
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Et tu, Snow White?
So it’s official: The terrible Woke movie that went through numerous reshoots starring the insufferable actress nobody likes that we all knew was going to flop has now flopped. Duh.
Since I realize that assertion may not narrow things down a whole lot in 2025, let me be specific: Disney’s Snow White live action remake is a legendary bomb. Like Oppenheimer (not Oppenheimer) levels. DEFCON One. Skin-peeling 10,000 millisieverts radioactive tier. Snow Gigli.
But it’s not just Snow Gigli that’s detonating (Snow Blight? Show Shite? Dirt Brown?) throughout the rat kingdom. Disney Marvel’s latest Disney+ dud Daredevil has also been flopping, nobody’s watching, even as the general consensus on the fourth season (first three on Netflix) is that it’s not bad, a big step up from usual Disney+ fare. But no one cares. R.I.P., Daredevil.
Snow White + Daredevil = a “tell.” America’s hive mind has finally crossed the inflection point where FOMO, the “Fear Of Missing Out,” has inverted into JOMO, the “Joy Of Missing Out.” Not only Disney content product but probably Holly Wood overall. When The Town’s tastemakers are trying to sell you Jack Quaid as movie star (Jack Quaid? Jack Quaid?!? Ahahahahahahahaha!), maybe it’s time to shut off the lights.
I first wrote about JOMO back in December 2023, when a pair of earlier oft- rewritten/reshot Disney bombs were detonating at the box office: The dreadful cat lady super-heroine action-comedy The Marvels (Loss: $237 million) and the gala 100th Disney Anniversary animated film Wish (Loss: $131 million). Two terrible turds plopped in an empowered Princess’s toilet throne and quickly flushed from the public consciousness, except for their worldview’s lingering stench seeping into the stories content product from Disney that’s been excreted in their wake.
Writing from my personal experience on Madison Avenue — where I actually worked with the sharp and slightly-strange-in-an-appealing way J. Walter Thompson (R.I.P.) blondie who mainstreamed the “Fear of Missing Out” mindset on the Today Show, at SXSW and elsewhere — I cautioned the rat kingdom how:
“JOMO — the public Joy Of Missing Out — is very dangerous to any brand. When it becomes cooler to avoid something than to embrace it, when paying participants get mocked for giving their money to a company most Americans hate, when you reach an inflection point where there is more JOMO to be found in piling on the ridicule than in lining up for FOMO gratification, a brand/company/corporation/conglomerate/nation is in deeeeeeeep shit.”
That’s where Disney finds itself now, on the razor’s edge of a transposed Zeitgeist. It’s cooler to hate them. It’s cooler to avoid their product. It’s cooler (and far more entertaining!) to listen to the virtual army of pissed-off podcast hosts trash them than consume their trash personally.
Snow White has been dead in the toilet water for months. Last week was just the evidence its critics were right — the live-action-ish remake is a gruesome, ugly-to-look-at, reshot and reshot mishmash of several different movie themes, narratives, settings and “looks,” with a cascading series of dumb “modern” narrative decisions that then cause further catastrophic plot reverberations — but the failure of Daredevil to draw eyeballs has been a shocker, and a big indicator that the Disney+ platform’s got real problems and the Disney Marvel brand might be permanently damaged.
How much did last month’s bad, scattershot, race-swapped Captain America movie (Loss: $250 million) that nobody asked for, damage Daredevil? Or could it be that Disney+ has already driven off most of its male subscribers after years of insulting, misandrist, super-queer, anti-white racist slop? Perhaps there’s simply no audience for Daredevil on Disney+, now all that’s left are the broken, unmarried, childless, wine-drinking, self-hating white liberal women?
Other than its animation departments — Inside Out 2 made money, Moana 2 made money, Mufasa made money (they call it “live action” but it’s not) — and the rare case when a creative talent is let off the leash (like Ryan Reynolds with Deadpool & Wolverine), Disney is inexplicably making movies for nobody except other rodents. I think they know this, don’t care, and are even acknowledging it before trying (and failing) to rationalize why they know better than the audience.
Snow White recognizes the mid in the room by acknowledging that Gal Gadot’s Wicked Queen is tons hotter than Snow Gigli, to the point where the magic mirror changes the “fairest of them all” ranking from “most beautiful” to most kind, most gracious, most welcoming of equality (but they really mean equity). Except that would mean pretty much everybody else in the very kindly kingdom is “fairer” than the witch. So we’re left with the unarticulated inkling that the Queen’s got to go on a rampaging genocide, ahem.
Since Snow Gigli doesn’t have “skin white as snow,” like the famous fairy tale always said until Disney decided they knew better, it’s now explained that she was born in a snowstorm. Dopey talks, the Prince walks, Disney Grown-Ups squawk, until, in the end, Snow Gigli leads a socialist revolution against the Evil Queen. I shit you not.
Disney’s Snow White is a classic fairy tale “reimagined” for “modern audiences,” which is to say: Nobody. There is no “modern audience.” Or, if there is, they must hate “modern audience” movies because they never, ever show up.
The biggest question is just how much “No Modern Audience” there actually isn’t, and how much the rat kingdom lies. For example, using the most generous estimates for the past weekend’s box office grosses for Disney’s Snow White, it (almost) doesn’t add up.
According to the “experts,” Snow Gigli made $42.2 million domestic in its opening weekend via 4,200 theaters, for an alleged average of roughly $10,000 per theater. That seems like a lot. Let’s break it down, though I’ll warn you my math skills aren’t great.
On an opening weekend, a movie will screen 10-12 times a day. Let’s give Disney the twelve. Thats 36 showings per theater screen, then add on another four showings for Thursday previews. So that’s 40 showings per theater screen opening weekend, or 168,000 showings of Snow White across America.
If the domestic gross was $42.2 million, divided by 168,000 showings, that equals $250 per showing of the film. If the average ticket price for a movie is $12 (though $8 for kids), that’s roughly 21 people per show. Considering all the snapshots of empty theaters across America, is it really likely that Disney’s Snow Blight managed to snag an average of 21 butts in seats per screening?
I suppose. Maybe. If nothing else, an anemic average turnout of 21 people is terrible enough to give the rat kingdom plausible deniability towards $42.2 million. It also gives us a clear vision that the Disney brand has become toxic. Toxic Disney! TOXIC DISNEY!
We’ll know for sure how damaged and toxic the Disney Marvel brand has become this July, when the new Fantastic Four film debuts. Yet another reboot of a comic book quartet that’s already failed three times. Right before that, though, we’re going to get the long delayed and much reshot Disney+ disaster-to-be Ironheart: The race and gender swapped “re-imagining” of Tony Stark’s Iron Man, which bad buzz has been warning us for nearly three years is the worst Disney Marvel abortion yet.
A month prior to Ironheart, on Memorial Day weekend, we’re going to get another precarious Disney I.P. in theaters via the unimaginatively titled Mandalorian & Grogu sequel to the Disney+ Star Wars series. If that movie underperforms — and I think it will, I think Star Wars Is Dead, I think the Mandalorian’s moment has passed — JOMO will have demonstrably reached Death Star status.
How can this be happening? How can a billion dollar entertainment company buy up two of the biggest franchises in Hollywood history and run them both into the ground? How is that even possible? It’s almost like they’re trying to destroy these films and properties, as if they want to lose money.
Could that be feasible? Could Disney and its former TV weatherman turned CEO Bobby Igor actually be trying to lose money for some reason? I have, uh, a conspiracy theory.
Flash back to December 2022. A reminder of something that should’ve been a much bigger story than it turned out to be (as is often the case nowadays and maybe always has been).
Financial pundit Kevin O’Leary was a guest on the CNBC shit show Squawk Box with Mockingbird tool and former NYTimes twatwaffle Andrew Ross Sorkin. O’Leary was getting interviewed about the crashing cryptocurrency company FTX’s Ponzi scheme and its criminal shyster CEO Sam Bankman-Fried. O’Leary said a bunch of smart things, like he often does, then started digressing into who a few of the biggest burned victims might be.
O’Leary began talking about how Bobby Igor and Disney were big FTX investors and likely lost billions in the crypto crash. The feces-munching-and-spewing Sorkin immediately cut O’Leary off, put on the brakes and changed the subject. O’Leary, who clearly likes being on TV more than any normal person should, allowed Sorkin, who is not a journalist, to get away with it. O’Leary has appeared on television many times since, but, far as I’m aware, never brought up the FTX/Disney connection again.
Thus, my “conspiracy theory” — originally spurred by Hollywood screenwriter Kamran Pasha, credit where it’s due — is that Disney is burying their crypto losses in these garbage films and the piss-poor parade of Disney+ content product. They’re doing it through shell companies, ghost employees and consultants, and ridiculously over-the-top budgets. Blowhard Bobby Igor can’t afford to be seen as a sinister stooge for a retard like Sam Bankman-Fried, not to mention whatever terrible tendrils of Democratic Party money laundering may have been taking place through FTX’s crypto currency (which was called FTT). Just my opinion!
Just my opinion, and yet…Certainly the events of November-December 2022 suggest something went down with Disney and FTX. Let’s follow a few brief calendar dates:
November 2: Cryptocurrency news publication Coindesk reports Alameda Research, Sam Bankman-Fried’s cryptocurrency trading firm, holds a large amount of FTX’s FTT token, suggesting the finances of the two are intertwined and Alameda faces a cash crunch. The report sparks a type of “Margin Call” in the crypto community and FTX begins its free-fall.
November 8: Disney Corp’s Fourth Quarter Earnings call with investors. Everybody seems super happy with new-ish CEO Bob Chapek.
November 11: FTX files for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Sam Bankman-Fried resigns as CEO.
November 21: Disney CEO Bob Chapek is suddenly voted out by the Disney Board of Directors, replaced by former CEO Bobby Igor.
November 22: The Judge overseeing the FTX case, John T. Dorsey, makes the unprecedented decision that the 50 biggest investors in the failed FTT crypto-coin will be permitted to remain anonymous.
Of course that proves nothing, but I’m not really looking to prove anything. I’m looking to pique the interest of somebody else who might be able to prove something.
There’s also the question of what happened to the Daily Wire’s version of Snow White & the Evil Queen, starring America’s super-vanilla podcast darling Brett Cooper, the easygoing antithesis of strident nut Roach Zegler. The Daily Wire was sitting pretty when Disney’s Snow White got delayed a year, and then delayed again. The Good Will was just sitting there for the taking, especially as the rat kingdom’s insufferable over-opinionated star curdled in the public eye.
And yet…the movie didn’t get made. Then Brett Cooper — a much bigger star than Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing — left the company. Then a couple weeks ago, right before Snow White was about to open, Jeremy Boreing resigned as Daily Wire CEO.
Do you think Disney would strategize to pay off Daily Wire to spike their competing Snow White and clear the playing field, especially if the DW version was on track to hit the marketplace first? Does that sound like something Bobby Igor would try to do? Do you think Jeremy Boreing was all-in on making Brett Cooper a movie star, or would he resent not being the biggest name on the Hollywood wannabe block? What’s happened to Boreing’s dream miniseries project Pendragon, which was supposed to debut last year but no longer has a release date at all? Is Boreing the type of guy who, if Pendragon’s budget was soaring out of control and money was drying up, would quietly take production financing from a Snow White adaptation and slide it into his dream project? Would he also take Disney blood money to snuff his own studio’s version, if it helped offset Pendragon’s badly ballooning budget?
Surely not! “I’m only asking questions!” Plus, I despise all these people, except maybe the pleasantly bland Brett Cooper, who seems nice but really boring (not Boreing). To seed further doubt about these half-human Hollywood freaks’ honesty, competence, dedication to entertainment value and general humanity, is merely an inverted reflection of all their abominable, atrocious, anti-social behavior over the past decade. It’s War, baby.
Or, to cite the words of one of last year’s biggest bombs — yet another should’ve been slam-dunk that stupid, solipsistic and mean-spirited Hollywood turned into its latest brick — a Joker movie (Loss: $195 million) where the joke was on us but then turned out to be an even bigger joke on them: “You get what you fucking deserve!”
Entertainment banks on the audience being inspired in some way. To do that the audience must relate, ie must see themselves in some way, in a character. MORE WOMEN WANT A HERO THAN WANT TO BE A HERO. More men want to be a hero than to idolize a female hero. Female heroes that work have to be really quirky and goofy and be heroes almost by fluke. The original Indiana Jones movies had a quirky goofy female lead who was also sexy.
I love learning there is a new flavor of vanilla out there for me to try in my coffee: super-vanilla. Move over Frenchie! There’s a new type of flavor out there to put in my morning cup.