OCCULT RELATIONSHIP: Taylor & Travis Termination Notice Gets Noticed

Showmance, Fauxmance, Let's Call The Damned Thing Off!

My guess is Travis Kelce’s ability to cling to fame without Taylor Swift by his side is about the same as a parasitical suckerfish clinging to life after it’s been tossed out of the aquarium.

“The friendship we made is a waste of our time / There's no one left here to show a future that's kind / It's a world of hate gone incredibly wrong / We cared too late, we just followed along…” — Angels & Airwaves, “Distraction”

“Whenever a controversy erupts in the media, it's usually disguising a completely different message altogether.” — Christopher Knowles, paraphrased

$ $ $ $ $ $

Let’s see what else happens this last week of September. I smell manufactured media distraction. 

I don’t know if the leaked PR contract between the presumably closeted queer couple TayTay and Travis, claiming they will be breaking up on September 28th, and going through the talking points and top media targets for finessing the split, is real or not. 

Yet I will note that if it is a fake, it is one helluva effort, written in great minute detail and using all the usual hot-button terms and language you’d find in a marketing firm’s plan or pitch. If the document is a fake, it is a Fugazi from somebody inside the ad/PR biz, possibly even an “inside job” at the PR agency where it allegedly originated. Perhaps somebody inside the shop reaaaaaallllly hates TayTay. More likely: It’s real. 

The PR firm, Full Scope, is of course in full meltdown denial, but kudos to the often evil but occasionally helpful Daily Beast, who tracked down a podcast from 2019 where Travis Kelce’s publicist and founder of Full Scope, Jack Ketsoyan, bragged about creating “fauxmance” “showmances” — phony celeb romances — to promote the careers of rising stars: “The main clue you would see is if a certain high profile male is dating a female who was not high-profile, and all of a sudden overnight, they are the most talked about girl in Hollywood and everyone wants a piece of them.” See: Every actress Leo has dated for two decades (though I do dig Camila Morrone — best of your “showmances” Leo; a knockout like all the rest, except she’s got legit talent).

It happens a lot; the Daily Mail provides a decent list of “on the record” celebs who’ve participated and talked about their propaganda partnerships, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I remember back in San Diego, working at the digital agency Digitaria (R.I.P.), part of the once-legendary now-also-dead advertising agency J. Walter Thompson, when an account exec came back from a meeting in L.A. with some studio exec and was all breathlessly “Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are fake. They’re not really a couple! It’s all for publicity!” So it was, my sweet summer child, and Mission: Accomplished !

But in our inverted and witchcrafted Age of American Apocalypse, of course the reverse has been made manifest: TayTay inverts the Narrative into “a high profile female dating a not high-profile male, who all of a sudden becomes the most talked-about dude in the NFL and everybody now wants a piece of him.” 

Perhaps the TayTay/Travis showmance was part of the “Dark Brandon” propaganda campaign, and now that the former has run its course other integrated Narratives are likewise being dismantled? Beats me!

If you can believe the dank Hollywood gossip site Crazy Days & Nights, twinkle-toes Travis is being positioned to replace stumbling bumbling low-“Q” rated meathead John Cena as Hollywood’s fill-in-the-blank second banana and B-movie leading man. Former wrestler Cena, a man with no self-respect, who’s been bent over almost as much as The Rock by gay Hollywood execs (allegedly), should be a cautionary fable for the not-too-smart but hugely ambitious: He thought that cringe-tastic humiliation ritual last Oscars was going to push his career to next level; instead, it just made even more people disrespect him. Moron. 

Travis & his hanger-on bro whose name I can’t recall but does also begin with a “T,” additionally just got an inexplicable three-year $100 million podcast deal with Amazon, announced this week, via their subsidiary Wonderly. Meanwhile yesterday, as the breakup story was breaking, a trailer for Kelce’s new devilish TV series Grotesquerie, from super-gay satanist and presumed child molester Ryan Murphy — leaving a trail of un-Gleeful bodies behind him — dropped, during which not-an-actor Kelce woodenly utters one line: “There’s no future after this.” It’ll be awesome if that turns out to be referring to this clown’s manufactured career. I promise you things will ultimately not end well for poor sucker Travis, perhaps not this month, nor next. But someday.

IF this TayTay/Travis contract is real, the most noteworthy thing about it is the timing. As I’ve mentioned before, I recall a very smart but bottomlessly cynical guy in the Baltimore advertising world once saying to me that “If it ever comes out that 9/11 was an ‘inside job,’ that same day Brad and Angie will get killed in a plane crash and it’ll push all the other news out of cycle for a week.” 

Since that scenario was suggested — I’d credit him, if I could remember who he was — this slight-of-hand distraction has become obvious to me; once you see it, you can’t unsee it. I’ve mentioned it in this space before, how the L.I.H.O.P. Lahaina fires in Hawaii were pushed out of news coverage last year by the nothingburger weather threat to Burning Man; or how the “Biden is M.I.A. because he died in Las Vegas!” narrative popped right after the administration’s assassination attempt (IMHO) on President Orange failed. That’s just in the past year; the long list of #FakeNews distractions from actual news goes way, way back, even before Henry Kissinger strategized Vietnam War escalations to correspond with moon landing attempts, in a successful effort to push the body bag counts deeper and deeper inside newspapers. Somebody should dig up Henry Kissinger and desecrate his corpse. His soul needs to wander untethered throughout eternity. No deposit, no return.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that IF TayTay and Travis were involved in a “showmance” and IF that “fauxmance” has been designated unto demise at the end of this month, whether it happens or not — you gotta believe there are PR flacks and hacks screeching “Abort! Abort!” rn — we should all wait and watch and see what else big and bad for or from the occupying regime occurs at the end of the month. And prepare for a different distraction than this American nightmare’s dream couple crashing’n’burning; if it was the plan, I don’t think there is anyway they can do it now. 

Unless all this is meant to be obvious, as obvious as scrawling “pedophile” on a wall behind you on an Insta post, and is part and parcel of the Revelation of the Method/Externalization of the Hierarchy: “Yes, all this is fake and gay, you feebs, dipshits, suckers and plebs! But are you not entertained? And what are you going to do about it?” The question hangs in the air, but it’s not weightless.

Revelation of the Method and the Externalization of the Hierarchy, with a pregnant Cardi B. in front of a piece of “Homesick Pedophile” graffiti. That’s so brat!